new home sweet home

this is home. the ocean is where we're from. here is one of the few places u can see the earth being ripped from the ocean. and understand how it started. and where we should be.
that looks like heaven to me

here i go again

so maybe i should stay out of the graphic design field.

gemini, cause i was bored

MUTABLE--Third sign of the Zodiac--AIR SIGN

May 22 to June 21

"One of the biggest problems for a you as a person born in Gemini to overcome is the dual mindedness given by the sign which encourages the changing of the mind, or decisions, large or small, with no apparent reason, either to themselves or to others, and thereby irritating, more than harming, other people. A Gemini will sometimes give you the shirt right off the back and, perhaps the next day, for no reason at all, will refuse to give you the time of day; this is how you got the reputation of being contentous and hard to get along with. Some of you Geminians love to stir up trouble and then go away and laugh about it. With all this odd behavior you will find as a Gemini you are loving and caring, almost maternal in your actions toward those who are down or in need. Geminians are very versatile. Mythologically, the heavenly twins known as Castor and Pollux divided their time between living on Earth and living in Heaven; this is indicative of a certain quality in you,the Geminian, the quality of being able to live in a pure abstract, or fantasy world and at the same time you will turn your hand to any task no matter how simple or hard.

You collect wit and knowledge where ever you find it, although it could be only surface knowledge or short lived. You are forever young with a playful and endearing personality; not wanting to spend much time alone, you will hunt up your fun and companions. You have a lively imagination and you are therefore one of the most creative of all the signs, be it in entertaining yourself or actually inventing something. You are a great juggler of people and/or situations and can keep a tricky issue up in the air until it looks like you will lose it all, then you appear in another place, still juggling. You have a great gift of gab and can talk your way out of almost everything, even to the point of making others doubt their very eyes. You may be prone to a touch of paranoia, looking over your shoulder and feeling that the world will find you out. Some of you should guard against being a chatterbox or telling other peoples secrets; learn to respect your own goals and dreams and realize that they are worth every minute spent to obtain them."

more fiona no one will read

" I was staring out the window
The whole time he was talking to me
It was a filthy pane of glass
I couldn't get a clear view

As he went on and on
It wasn't the outside world I could see
Just the filthy pane that I was looking throughBecause the fact in fact
Whatever’s in front of me is covering my view
So I can't see what I'm seeing in fact
I only see what I'm looking through

I had to break the window
It just had to be it was in my way
Better that I break the window
Then forget what I had to say

So again I've done the right thing
I was never worried about that
The answer's always been in clear view
But even when the window's clean
I still can't see for the fact
That when it's clean it's so clear
I can't tell what I'm looking through

So I had to break the window
It just had to be
Better that I break the window
Than him or her or me"

fiscally powerful

im sorry to everyone i dont have the energy to explain most of whats going on with me.....im not going off the deep end i promise. im dealin with shit. the shit i know is there, and as open as i am with most of u, the fact is in this sitution i know best for me. and i know better than anyone exactly where and what the shit is.....im so thankful that all of u have helped me so much....not just now but always. i would not be alive if not for the grace of Yaweh and his peeps. thanks for takin care of bexs like i couldnt and didnt and chose not to do. thanks mostly that u did it for her and not for me.
ur beautiful peeps. i dont have much else to say addressing anyone at the moment, and if u didnt know my blog usually aint pointed unless i say exacts, i just kinda rant, and until last week i didnt know anyone was reading it. and thanks to bens blog people are. which is cool. the point i guess?...oh yeah thanks ben for puttin everyone elses blog on ur page. i didnt know everyone else had started one....anywho, im gonna watch more scrubs before i should sleep, then finish my fuckin annoying 56 hour work week.

Sixpence explains somethings best and i mean this to everybody who reads this.

" So Im changing who I am
'cos what I am's not good
And I know you love me now
But I don't see why you should
and I don't see why you should
No I don't see why you should"

im no superman :)

i play chicken with myself.

for always doesn't seem as long as never.

"I remember thinking
I'll go on forever only knowing
I'll see you again"

"I remember thinking
Sometimes we walk
Sometimes we run away"

MOTHER OF FUCK!!!

okay so i know this does not give u any insight into my world and its been a few days since i posted (ill get back to being pretentious...er i mean deep soon) this is the scariest shit in the world......im not proof possitive its real, but if its an impersonation its the best one in the whole world....so good in fact i could not listen to it all the way through because my neck started doin that twitch thing and my head went with it.....i got a head ache then hit the stop button in fright..........this is not for the weak of ear drums...........it is indeed the scariest reading of "The Raven" ever. ever. ever.

http://www.ojai.net/swanson/theraven.htm

good times good times

"After 1,700 deaths, over 12,000 wounded and $200 billion spent, we believe it is time to have this debate and this discussion on this resolution," Rep. Walter Jones, R-North Carolina, said Thursday." - cnn

really!?!? really!?!? no shit u fuckin idiot. who the hell puts these people in power? oh wait us. then we must be the fuckin idiots who take this much death and pain and money before we realize that this was a dumb fuckin idea. its like someone just takes the brains of these people and replaces them with some sort of brick like goo.....well at least this smart, republican is standing up for whats right. wonder if he has helped us in desperate situations where the government needs to change something urgently important?.......

"Jones, a member of the House Armed Services Committee, is the same congressman who pushed for the House cafeteria to change the name of French fries to "freedom fries" after France opposed the U.S. drive to war." -CNN

GAW!! IDIOT!!!

"On Thursday he joined a bipartisan group of House members sponsoring a proposed bill calling on the administration to announce a plan for a U.S. withdrawal from Iraq by the year's end and for the withdrawal to begin by Oct. 1, 2006." - CNN

and who ever said politicians are slow? just a little death and destruction....thats all.

'Cause I chose to live life with a filthy mouth

"when your sleepy, you work on impulse, and are only
concerned with what you want or what you want to
hear come out of the other person"

i have no exuse

im an idiot.
i guess its done.......now to ask forgiveness.
but im gonna move on and this time not just by walkin.
but drivin.

"If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me or treat me mean
I make the most of it I'm an extraordinary machine"-fiona apple "extraordinary machine"

so man its been a little more than 2 weeks.....and im sleepin......and eatin....barely drinkin or smokin (mostly the cost) my brain feels like its connected to my emotions again.....not a bad start....now lets see which way we roll on the hill from here. up is work.....lets see whats at the top, anybody ready for a good uphill trip? onward and upward!!!........now for that sleep thing......at least a few hours.

Can't get the sink off
He's been hanging round for days
Come like a comet
Suckered you but not your friends
One day he'll get to you
Teach you how to be a holy cow

You do it to yourself
You do
And that's what really hurts
Is you do it yourself
Just you
You and no-one else
You do it to yourself.

Don't get no sympathy
Hanging out the 15th floor
You've changed the locks 3 times
He still comes reeling through the door
And soon he'll get to you
Teach you how to get to purest hell.

You do it to yourself
You do
And that's what really hurts
Is you do it yourself
Just you
You and no-one else
You do it to yourself.

This is not about Love.

i am a little reckless at times
mostly because i am a wreck
ship wrecked on a cold rock
dirty socks and my back hurts to bad to bend down.
postureless, poserful, god they are beautiful.
and staring at pictures makes me wonder how love wavers.
what an image and whats 3d?
dreaming of me dreaming of u having nightmares about me.
all 3 are lonely. and im why.

" If you don't have a song
To sing you're okay
You know how to get along
Humming
Hmmm

If you don't have a date
Celebrate
Go out and sit on the lawn
And do nothing
'Cause it's just what you must do
Nobody does it anymore

No I don't believe in the wasting of time,
But I don't believe that I'm wasting mine

if you don't have a point to make
Don't sweat it
You'll make a sharp one being so kind
And I'd sure appreciate it
Everyone else's goal's to get big headed
Why should I follow that beat being that I'm
Better than fine" - fiona apple "waltz" extraordinary machine

Tavius in canada with coats on!

find urself a different place. dont care where.....go go go, mentally physically. go. ur dreams are not just fantasy. dont let them be. dont look back and hope look forward and do, do. tee hee.......er uh...back to being smart.....everybody who reads this should stop being old fuckers......u are old, stop lying to urself....its not gonna change or get better unless u do it right now, right fuckin now......ur responsibilities are a crutch for ur fear......all of these thoughts u think mean nothing without action, they are just thoughts, metaphors.....like politics, or compassion, or ethics....none of them mean shit if we arent doing anything and just blogging about them.....oh wait.....crap....im doing that.......phuck!!!........well ill see u again when i dont just have to bitch/blog about it.....

p.s. if u are gonna bitch at me on the comments at least dont do it without ur name.
ben. fucker......jewtard.....b/t/w where do i find the other piece for my xbox?......

fear is not the end of this

whoever said that "it is the worst to be lonely in a crowd" is a fuckin moron......its more lonely when u cant reach anyone else absolutely. in the room is a concept, a mental seperation created be u or others, when u are by yourself with no option is factual.....if in fact we dont see all concepts as fiction created in the mind to blahdee fuckin bla bla bla. anywho when u cannot reach anyone, or do not have the option in any laws of physics way, that is lonely.....the absolute physical scientific inability to do anything....... im not there but MAN wouldnt that such.....say u are on an island with all the food drink housing porn and such u would ever need to live but in no way could u actually be in contact with anyone.....dude would that guys life SUCK!!!! talk about lonely.....boy howdey.

qua

so this place is soooo fucking cold!!! it snowed yesterday......its fucking june!!! there is no god here.
if santa was a good loving man he would stop sending fucking cold artic winds from his warm cosy cabin in the north pole. jack ass.

okay

canada, invasion of privacy, sex, perfection, booze, 3 times the price, smokes of clorine, sam phillips, im fucked. and happy, temperature smokes out of my lungs. i havent forgot. i cant forget. death for growth. ungrown. must grow. perfection.