im pretty sure everyone has heard.

im assuming everyone knows by now, i am home, i am hiding, i am a poof cactus across the table of life. odds are if ur reading this i would love to see u, but prob just in private. but not having to do anything with ur privates. or mine. just to hang.
if ur reading this, i love u, and u have prob been a kick ass good friend.
(isnt blogging sometimes just like a shitty new for of mass mail.)
mass male. tee hee.
yep. im still in 6th grade.
and i will always keep staring.
i could help it then, sure aint gonna help it now.

TeraNover

........he stops for a moment in the pause between laughs
"so how do u just get up and leave everything" she said setting down her third drink looking like it was her 12th.

"oh thats the easy part!" he chuckles. he walks from behind the bar cleaning a few spills of the slobbered Lambs along the way.
"u just get up and walk away."

"well what if u, ur mind changed and u want it back?" she tosses back her drink, the air pausing for a moment while his personal theme music plays through the restaurant.

"oh u dont. u cant. it doesnt work that way. u walk away. keep walkin. u walk away."

she looks a little puzzled with a googly eyed stare, her blue eyes and her odd smile making him question whats going on in her mind.

"so how long u here to?" she says changing the subject in her own "flit of fairy" like way.

"here? like?" the 'to's' and 'at's' making him miss any of the point of a sentence again.

"what time do u get off?' she annunciates grinning at his blank stare.

"uh, prob 6, maybe 8."

"u like workin nights?" tappin the bar for another drink of lambs and green martini.

"don't like workin days. people calm down at night. u get to see who they are, or at least who they'd like to think they are. and i know too well how to handle people with the booze."
chucklin he pours the drink just wishin he could add some extra to get some extra tip.

" reason enough. any other reason?"

He ponders, scratchin his face a little to much, then starin at his nails out of unconcious habit.
"days are about waitin, and pushin and pullin and pretense to make urself what u should seem like u are. make any sense. hell im no philosopher and im talking to much without thinking this through. Im workin don’t ask me this shit. " drinkin an extra coffee just to get that boost.
"mostly its the waitin. days are about, bullshit and cues/que's. I hate cue's/que's."

excerpts 16805 from "a warm celtic corpset." (crappy title, good book.)

meanwhile, many months ago it all changed.....

thats the problem with him, he believes his own myth.

Tavius

i am my beloveds and He loves me as i am.

Ba da ba ba, ba da ba ba

guess what?............i suck.
its my quantity.
a "fallicy" in my quality.
i try to fix it daily, but possibly maybe, i might not be enough to do it surely.
wholisticly i spell like my tendancy for good change.
i do it badly. sincerly im not looking for sympathy,
i take responsibility, for every tragedy that has fallen from me.
but im still not likely to look how anyone wants me to be.
a better man for free? its quite costly and no one has explained the terms of the fee.
this is not poetry.
its a sillioque of 'y' sounding homoneys.
and no i didnt mean harmoney, even though frequently what i say comes out in a quandry of mystery and awefully placed symally.
seriously im not expecting anything easy. i just want some reasonably placed audibly heard converse ability, shared mutually from me to my community. i feel a little uncomfortably about the words that obviously have been spoken about me, but honestly i just want to be happy, to be with my lovely, and my lucky puppy, and a car that works not so poorly.
u may not believe me, but i want her deeply. im gonna work to get her madly. so please dont try to dissuade that so passionatly before u get the chance to see, that im hardly the shit i used to be.
this has been hardly a party, if it looks like i ran away, im sorry, if i havent communticated forgive me, i have not forgotten those who are friendly, those who are silly, those who are trust worthy, or those who are family. my stay maybe untimely for a quick return safely. from now on i will try to speak more openly, i will hold my self steady, i will try to keep from hurtin anybody, and will leave out nobody. partially im truely and sadly afraid. if i can make a man out of a monkey, if i can live up to what is contantly in front of me. what is is my folly is my treachury, to myself, to u, to we.
i never tried to make myself so heavy, physically or emotionally, didnt mean to pull down on those that have given me everything worldy and spirtually that a body could ever give to a person who constatly holds a record for the most exceptionally extrodianarally lengthy ability to be so damn needy. ill stop that quickly and never return to such desparity. there is much work to do and i got the up hill on this dra-medy we call clarity. to see clearly from both sides is gonna take some coffee, some talky, some funny, some ouchy, something touchy and other words that i make up for this bloggitry. hey guys im getting sleepy, and i will continue these thoughts shortly, if u have any thoughts id love some commentary. and i even now make an apology if any of this comes out with a lack of sincerity, it is not done intentionaly, this comes with vagurey, and some generality, im gonna try to call everyone more personally so we can talk freely about whatever needs to be. if that does not happen oftenly im sorry, but celtic hearth and tryin to get money, im makin a priority till i can get home and see all my beautifuly constructed tennesee and the best people to ever hit the scenery. :)
till then good night, love and funny be with thee.

p.s. yep.......i used thee........its cheap.......but its also 6:46 in the mornin.